Don't know what to do!

Hi

Actually kuch zada mere pas hota nhi hai isliye I don't write regularly. Din ajeeb jate hain. Kuch aisa ho hi jata hai daily jiske bad I feel very sad and sochti bhi hi ki I'll write it in blog but fir situation nhi mil pati mujhe. Aaj I couldn't stop myself from writing kyuki aaj ajeeb hi ho gya. Shaam ko kuch aisa hua jiske bad mera accha khasa mood ek second me off ho gya. Simple hai kisi ne kuch bol diya. Jisko mujhe kafi hurtful laga. Fir sham ko tumne jo news di ussey aur self doubt aagya whether I'm good for you or not. Mood kharab hi tha ki ghar pe kuku se argument ho gyi bhot choti si baat pe. Actually ghar ke kaam related baat pe. I was tired physically and mentally bhi toh maine bol diya ki mai bartan nhi dhoungi. The problem I felt was ki mujhe choice kyu nhi milti kaam ki. Vo dono apas me decide krleti hain kya karengi and mujhe bada vala ya time consuming kaam bata deti hain. I wake up early, unse 2-3 ghante pehle uthti hu. Don't even sit for a minute except jab videos dekhri hu exam ke liye. Bro I am totally occupied na. Sab toh kar hi leti hu toh why I don't get the choice of choosing what to do. 

Leave it. Mera toh Roz ka h. But I'm sad because of you. Dil haar sa raha hai. Iss baat se nhi ki tumhara prelims clear nhi hua. But iss baar se ki why anything is not happening jo tum chahte thay itne time se. You wanted CAT, vo nhi hua. You wanted this, ye bhi nhi hua. Kya iss sab ka reason mai hu? Why aren't you excelling in the fields which you were interested in? Kbhi kbhi lagta hai that I am so mean kyuki mai tumhari field se tumhe dur kar rahi hu. Mai tumhe baki cheezo me itna involved rkhti hu, information deti rehti hu. But isme...! I have nothing to say. I can't even say ki koi baat nhi next time ho jayga because mujhe iska ABCD bhi nhi pata. And I won't say it kyuki I can't understand what it means to appear for one time. How can I say? I'm sorry. I'm with you that all I can say. Baki mujhe nhi pata kya kehna chaiye aur kya karna chaiye. Again I'm saying mujhe iss exam se fark nhi pdta but tum kya feel karte ho har second ussey pdta hai. Tum ek minute ke liye bhi down hote ho toh I feel kaise theek karu. But today I felt like I'm helpless isliye tumse zada baat krne ki bhi himmat nhi hori. I'm sorry yar. But I'm with you. Try to understand. Mujhe samjh nhi aara how to react. Bas isliye. 

Baki shyd sab theek ho Jaye. Tumhare end pe bhi aur mere end pe bhi. That's all I can wish for. 

Khayal rkhio

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