Fears

Hi. Writing after 15 days. Actually hota to bhot kuch hai share krne ko but na time milta hai aur na hi mauka. Fir lagta hai ki chod ab kya hi share Krna. Aaj ghar me ladai ho gyi thi. Mmy aur bhaiya ke beech bhot zada. Traumatic lagne lagta hai. But koi ni. Manage kar liya tha maine khud ko. Kafi dino se kuch kuch purani baatein yaad aa rhi hain. I don't have any person to share these but agar bas apne andar rkhungi to aur pareshan hoti rahungi. Mujhe yaad aaya aaj ki when I was in that relationship na, to my then- partner cheated on me. Aur iske baare me mujhe kafi time baad pata laga. Actually I got into that relationship in a very vulnerable state kyuki dost nhi bache thay mere pas. Physical relation ke 10 days ke andar he told me that he is not committed to me kyuki Mai iss layak nhi hu jisse shaadi ki jaa sake. Body nhi hai meri attractive, dressing sense bhi nhi hai properly feminine. He told me that usko laga ki mujhe sexual needs hain and he did that to me. When I got to know about this, to maine confront kiya usko but he said koi ni tu mere sath reh skti hai, aur explore kar logo ko kab tak koi aur nhi mil jata. Fir uske around one month ke baad uski gurman se kuch baat hui. Usne tab mujhe bas yehi bataya ki bas ladai Hui hai. 

Jab October me clash chal rha tha uska aur mera toh tab usne mujhe bhot accuse kiya about my character, actions and appearance. Tab usne mujhe ye bhi bataya ki he had feelings for Gurman in the starting, but kyuki Mai vulnerable thi and according to him, mujhe need thi, usne bas gurman se pani feeling confess kari and didn't went into the relationship. He told me gurman bhi interested thi usme. Usne mujhe ye bola ki better hota ki vo mere sath nhi aata and gurman ke sath ho jata. Ye baat mujhe itna time baad pata chali and mujhe seriously kafi useless feel hua. 

I have proofs of everything. How much he has cursed me, accused me and harrassed me. Blackmailed me ki he will return agle do saal me and agar mera downfall apne aap nhi hua toh he will make sure of it. He said vo mujhe mirror me dekhne layak nhi chodega. Aur pata nhi kya kya. I am not telling you this to disturb you, neither I want you to do anything. Bas share Krna tha kyuki October se lekar aaj tak maine ye sab kisi ko nhi bataya. Mere paas iss sab ke saare proofs hain. Mujhe khud se zada apni family ke liye Darr lgta hai. I just wish sab kuch theek rahe. I just wanted to share this with you. Ki jab bhi dimag me ye sb yaad aata hai toh Darr lagne lagta hai. Isliye meri life me job aur success se upar bhi kuch cheeze hain. Mai apne fears ko overcome karna chahti hu. Inse itna dur bhaagna chahti hu ki peeche mudke dekhu toh dur dur tak ye sab yaad na aaye... 

Hope you understand this. Disturb nhi karna tha. Bas share Krna tha. So that ab iss world me ye secrets tumko bhi pata hain. Mai akeli nhi hu...

Sumo...

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